I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
