I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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