i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
