The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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