My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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