he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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