Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
