i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
