I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
