I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
