I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
