Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
