PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
