ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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