When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
