i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
well you can't waste a boner
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
