If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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