Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
