How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
