Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
