absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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