I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize