apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
