My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
