I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
