I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
