hotel room ftw
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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