Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
not ubering you a puppy
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
