96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
