Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize