Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize