my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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