There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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