I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
