He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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