dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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