The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote āColleenās Dickāwith a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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