8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
