I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
