you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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