you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
