you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize