i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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