So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I want you more than these girls want KFC
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
