Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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