Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
