HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
