I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
