There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
