what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
