hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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