Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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