I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
