those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
