Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we made out on top of his cat.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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