Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
