fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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