I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
my liver is dry heaving
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
