She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
