i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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