i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
