Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
