Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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