halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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