Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
