I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
