What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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